Weird Mom Thoughts

I  heard recently that Mother’s Day is the second most celebrated holiday after Christmas. So, in the grand scheme of holidays, it’s Jesus, then moms—and I’m totally okay with that. As this year’s 2nd Place holiday approaches, I don’t mind sharing. 

I am really tired of living through major historical events all the time. Granted, I am happy to say I am ‘living through’ them but in terms of Earth-level happenings I’d prefer something more along the lines of a moon landing. 

These days, while I don’t believe we are actually in the End Times, all the bad news sometimes feels like we are at least in the fourth quarter. Which brings me to how I can bring this back around to Mother’s Day… the only reason I worry about any of the world’s problems is because I am a mom. 

From the moment he was born, I have been prepared to fight bears and Visigoths for the sake of my son’s life and well being. And while I am perfectly content to be called Home any time, motherhood changes everything so I can’t help hoping the world turns itself around for his sake. I really have little to no say in anything that will happen to him when he grows up. Since I will never be as rich as Elon Musk (bless his heart), I am about as likely to provide Son an affordable interest rate or cheap gas as I am to be the host of The Oscars: CageMatch. 

Hopefully, Son will live into the next century and I’m hoping, in that time, that he will have say, a month every now and then, without a catastrophe of some kind. Really… just this year, it’s only May and we’ve already lost Betty White and now Bruce Willis is sick. Someone please wrap Clint Eastwood in a bubble so nothing bad will happen to him. 

I think a lot of moms would happily create ribbons and add Facebook frames to celebrate “Marginally Ordinary Awareness Month” right now. Imagine how much we would enjoy “IH-35 Construction Complete Day”, or “Extremely Normal Climate Week”. I’d even throw a party if the very first doctor I visited actually said, “Why yes, I know exactly that is and precisely how to heal you.” 

I will also celebrate if I can get, like, four more friends on Facebook to go through my feed and react to all my posts that have 98 or 99 Likes so far. How can I have 638 friends but only 198 Likes on the best photo I ever took in my life? We’ll call that “OCD Round Number Appreciation Day”. 

Maybe someone will invent a realistic Monopoly game in which the players circle the board, receive a stimulus check whenever they pass ‘Go’, endlessly pay rent, and never have enough money to buy property. It will at least make inflation mildly entertaining. 

Perhaps the history books will include a paragraph or two for “No One Was Offended Today” day, and a future descendant might read in my diary about that time the cable guy showed up at the beginning of the appointment window. (Seriously, someone, somewhere has to be the first person on the route, right?) 

I suppose I could consider these crazy times a blessing in disguise. This Alpha generation will grow up gritty and will appreciate the things we took for granted for a long time. They also will know so much more about us parents and grandparents because many of the photos we are leaving behind will be accessible anywhere and have captions. There’s something to be happy about. 

Happy Mother’s Day, Georgetown!