Poppy Talks: Is it just me…?

I am not much for controversy, so I’m just going to noodle on some boring things that make me roll my eyes from time to time (and sometimes make me sound like I’m preparing a stand-up routine).  

For instance, what exactly is a “normal” call volume for customer service at, literally, every large company in America? I have not dialed an 800 number in the past three years that the recording did not immediately open with: “We are experiencing higher-than-normal call volume, so your wait time may be long. For faster service try our online chat feature”. 

Wouldn’t three straight years of higher-than-normal constitute a new normal… for which perhaps they might consider hiring another employee?!  I called my TV provider at 6:30 in the morning and got that message. My bill is over $200 a month; what exactly are they spending that money on, since it’s clearly NOT more staff? Just get it over with and play the loopy digital music that is ironically interspersed with “Your call is important to us…” and DON’T tell me to try your online chat option, TV people! That bot actually texted back that my wait time was more than 60 minutes, which is why I called the 800 number in the first place. Is “Brian from Ohio” the only one answering the phones, ever?

Also, can someone in the online world please stop making me choose the preset “very strong” password that looks like a cat walked across my keyboard? First of all, how do I know they aren’t cataloging their own suggestions and hacking my account the minute I enter my card number? Second, it’s none of their concern if I want to use “pookieface1968” because I can remember it. If it’s not safe, that’s on me and they don’t need to worry about it. 

And while I’m at it, can you please stop making the X to get rid of a popup window so small that only a bald eagle sniper can click it accurately without accidentally clicking on the ad for pickle flavored toothpaste. 

While I’m in the Internet frame of mind, I know we’re not supposed to mess with our phones while we’re driving, so can someone please tell Apple to put, maybe, a 5-minute delay on Siri’s directions when I plug something in to my maps app? Seriously, I am pretty solid on how to get out of my neighborhood, so can we start the chitchat AFTER I “turn left out of driveway” and through, maybe the first three turns? Just give it a rest every 15 seconds interrupting my podcasts until I reach at least a major artery of some kind? 

I know… first-world problems…quit whining, Poppy.  

Completely new topic. How is it, when I watch reality talent shows, there is always a cute little kid who says, “This has always been my dream…” Really? You shouldn’t even be up that late. You watched one season and suddenly being a headliner in Vegas is your new “lifelong” dream? You’re 8 years old… a year ago, you were watching SpongeBob and probably wanted to be a unicorn. 

Far be it from me to lampoon a child’s hopes, but seriously, I find statements about lifetime dreams much more believable from a 45-year-old who finally found the courage to move away from Ohio, to try show business, so he can leave his job in customer service. 

Just some of the things that make the real (and much more disheartening) problems in the world feel a little less in my face. Hope it makes someone smile to realize … no, it’s not just you either. 

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